Each week I receive a number of calls from parents who are concerned about their adult children. Most want to know what they can do to help. Often the parent asks, "Well, I do that, but what else can I do?" "Nothing," I respond. The following silence is deafening. Most parents don’t want to believe there is nothing they can do to straighten out their adult children. One mother asked me how she could motivate her 23-year-old son to finish school. He lived at home, was sullen and uncommunicative, didn’t work, didn’t help around the house, slept all day and was on the computer or out most of the night. His parents were doing their best trying to "motivate" him. They had just bought him a car because he had convinced them he needed one so he could job hunt. His mother was cutting out job ads and strategically placing them in his room. If you want to motivate him, I suggested, give him a month to find another place to live and mean it. At some level this mother knew it was the right thing but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. What's the problem here? This young man has never learned how to take care of himself. He’s never had to because his parents treat him like a child – and so he remains one. If parents want their children to become mature adults they need to let them embrace life, make decisions and face the consequences of those decisions. Even when it seems guaranteed the child is heading for disaster, parents have to step back, watch and pray. Parents who treat their adult children like younger children are, in effect, saying "I don’t believe you can look after yourself, so I’ll do it." The message is "we don’t trust you to run your own life." Parents were once the centre of their child’s life. How quickly that changes! But it’s so important that parents adjust to this change. Parents must embrace a long-term vision that guides them in their decisions that will help, not hinder, their child’s development into a mature person. Part of that vision is letting the child make their own age-appropriate decisions and allowing them to face the consequences. At some point, parents must let go of their children entirely. Then, how could they let go? Mothers seem to struggle with this more than fathers. Fathers often are more willing to take a "tough love" approach sooner than mothers. But tough love is necessary if we want to give our adult children the best chance of making a go of life. I suggest that parents tell their adult children how much they love them, believe in them and know they are capable of handling life with all its inherent risks, failures and successes. Let the adult kids know you’re making some changes. No more suggestions, advice or lectures. Just listen to them, let them know you understand and that you believe they will eventually sort it out. One mother asked, "What if something terrible happens?" Something terrible might happen, or it might not. There are no guarantees. Christ tells us we will have trouble in this world. We cannot prevent our children from suffering, but we can teach them how to deal with it in a proper way.